Diary of a mom with no limits: Entry 4

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I just came back from a business trip early Saturday morning, and I was looking forward to the long weekend ahead. I had sufficient rest, enjoyed game night of “Game of the Generals” and “Sequence”, had my patch-up alone time with both my kids, and now sharing my “1994” with my kids.

I found a calendar diary book I used in 1994 when I was a senior in high school.  Although, it was year two for me in the new school, I was still resentful over not continuing high school in the US. I was attempting to make a long-distance relationship work. I had started to develop new friendships while keeping in touch with old ones. Each day, I would write my homework in school.  I would also write random thoughts, or attach clippings of significant events that happened that day.

Below are some of the entries I shared with my kids this weekend:

January 1—Success comes when the heart and mind allows; it comes when the heart is free from the barriers of pain, and the mind open to the new blooming around him.

January 3—A person is bewildered by both life and love. He does not seek help but one day he finds himself again with the vigor and light he had before. He hid his fears with the laughter of false roots. Only finding out the cure was not in inward self-pity and outward pretending, but in being exposed to work and people, in realizing that there’s so much more to life. He encountered much confusion in his life and always remained too weak to make a stand with his own choice, even when it concerned his own future, so he listened to the pressures and expectations without question. Yet, from this exposure, he has realized his life must not be dependent on other people. If there are questions, the answers lie in him. He looks around this new world of his, seeing how people make choices, how reality is always better than expectations, knowing it’s time to act upon his own state and realizing that the only way is to be left alone for once…for reflection of one’s own wants…one’s own needs…though it is quite late…there is hope.

It is my life. A broken wing, unpatched, untended, left to slowly heal and, unknowingly, it flies high. Seeking for camouflage to protect a vulnerable soul, yet, exposure cures the fear the opportunity is acknowledged. Knots of complexities trigger much quandary. And the forum within is caught unguarded. So one submits for the sake. Yet, the horizon previews greater choices. It is a maze of truths one must seek. And one must do it alone.  Because the life is his own.  If the earth gives for a reason, so must I. And if the bird allows risk for a cause of protection, so will I.  For I am weary of reprimands, of the cliffs that hang thy creed. I seek no comprehension, only the gift of solitude and peace.

June 25—Watched With Honors. Birthday of my guy best friend. In a way, blindness brings forth joy. For ignorance is a gift of enclosure; and knowledge bears only the truth!

July 10—Graduation picture at Chad Peypoch—66 Don Benito Hernandez Street

July 18—Received a card from my best friend in my old school. It says, “Dear Maye, it takes a lot of time for some hurts to heal, and the pain may not go away for quite a while. But be patient with yourself, and when certain days seem hard to get though, hope it helps to remember how much I really care. Stay happy! Love, Liza”

July 21—A classmate gave me a funny coin and wrote this on my calendar: “Dear Maye, I hope you liked the coin I gave you. Take good care of it, okay? It does resemble somebody right? I love you, Maye! I’m here, if you need anything. Take care! Tiggy”

July 23—Rapelling Day at the grade-school building. It is scary to go down from the fourth floor to the ground floor using a rope.

July 30—Watched Agnes of God at the Insular Life Theater

August 8Watched Speed movie with Dad last Sunday

August 12—Watched Oedipus Rex directed by Jonas Sebastian at The University Theater, University of the Philippines Diliman, Quezon City

August 23—Senior Recollection in Tagaytay

August 8—Watched Camelot at Meralco Theater

September 26—“Dearest Maye, There are certain people in this world who can enter someone’s life and it would never be the same again…. Thank you for touching mine! I will never forget the many things you’ve taught me. I love you, friend! Love yah! Anna”

This entry allowed me to look back and be grateful.  It allowed me to show my kids how being sad is OK; how new and old friends lighten our days; and how new experiences make us look forward to days to come. Thanks, Meagan and Marcus, for taking turns to type up this entry. Hope it inspires both of you to build your own journal.



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